Tag Archives: just for fun

The Art of Raid Explanations

Everyone knows that normal raid explanations are boring.  They drone on and on, and very quickly everyone is just tuning out the RL and tabbing out to read 4chan/Post Secret/whatever. 

One of three things happen then:
-Everyone asks questions that were jsut answered 2 seconds ago.
-Everyone just smiles and nods, runs in, and stands in the fire.
-A good attempt is put in because everyone read the strats and watched videos beforehand anyway.

Mooooost of the time, it’s the first two. 

But I, Lyrandre, have mastered the art of the HILARIOUS AND YET INFORMATIVE strat telling!  Let me share with you my secrets, and then you too can deliver strats in a way that people will actually enjoy!

Tip One: Distill into Common or Silly Terms
First off, forgot the official terms for most shit.  If you tell your DPS to kill the Gifts of Eonar, they are going to ignore the green trees that spawn because really, who the hell expects a Gift of Eonar to look like the tree?  They’re probably looking for gift wrapped packages to spawn.  Tell them to get out of the Fire/Glowy Shit On Floor/Falling Snowflakes/Circles of Doom.  Tell them to kill the Really Tall Guy first and stay away from him because he Whirlwinds. They will know what you mean when they see it!  Do you really think that DPS pays attention to the name of the mob that just killed them because they didn’t realize THAT mob was the one that whirlwinded?  No, of course not, that’s why they die so much.  Just give them a quick, memorable description.

Tip Two: Divide into Categories
While it’s nice for everyone to be aware of each other’s roles, it’s…not going to happen.  Since there can be a lot of information to remember to start, split your explanation up.   Tell your healers that all they need to do is stay out of the Bad, cleanse the Really Bad,  and watch green bars, then move on to the DPS.  Etc, etc.  A standard line of mine usually delivered every run is, “Tanks, don’t die.”  That comforting phrase tells them it’s a tank and spank and they can go back to browsing porn after achieving a nice threat lead.

Tip Three: Throw in Jokes
Is there one person who you blame for everything even when they’re not in the raid?  One person who dies all the time?  Use running jokes to your advantage.   I also offer t o beat people with pillows or forget to heal them if they do X Thing Thing They Shouldn’t Do.   Don’t forget macros!  I have silly macros I like to spam for things like Thaddius, in case people forgot their left and right.

If you have people in your raid that are skeptical, let someone give the normal explanation and then interject your comments between (in raid, so that you don’t drown them out on vent).  You’ll still get your point across!  I provide for you an example of me doing just that on Hodir:

Follow these guidelines and my stellar example and you, too, can get your raid to pay some fucking attention!  It will lighten the mood for the wipes to come.

Love and shiny heals,
-ILikeBubbles

Pyo’s Patchnotes YaYs, Boos, and Mehs part 1- Patch 3.2

A post in which the ever popular- and slightly insane- Pyoska shares what she is looking forward to and dreading in upcoming patches.  Today’s patch- 3.2!

YaYs!

-New druid art for cat and bear forms has been added. There are now five unique color schemes for each form and faction. Changing hair color (Night Elves) or skin tone (Tauren) via the barbershop will change the look of one’s cat and bear forms:  all I really have to say to this is- ITS ABOUT TIME YOU FIXED TAUREN CATFORM BLIZZARD!  No more looking like a mauled wyvern with bad hair.  And, for the record, I am very glad they kept the horns.  -waits eagerly for Tree of Life and Moonkin forms to be prettied up-

-Northrend Children’s Week has arrived in Dalaran! Players can find out more by visiting the Eventide District:  new pets?!  And where’s this kid gonna drag me off to this time?

-Tauren now have the option of changing skin tone by visiting the barber shop:  I’m pretty happy with Koko’s skin color (a light cinnamon shade), but its nice to have the option, especially with the new animal forms.

-Flying over Dalaran and Wintergrasp is now possible so long as players keep a healthy distance above the ground:  WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO no more crash and burn over Wintergrasp!

-The ravasaur trainer Mor’vek has returned to Un’Goro and will offer to help Horde players raise and train a Venomhide Ravasaur as a mount… if they can survive the creature’s deadly poison:  -blink blink-  Yep.  Its about time.  Alliance had the Wintersaber Trainers for far too long without a Horde counterpart.  -makes the GIMME hands-

-All new Argent Crusader daily quests and rewards have been added for players with the Crusader title. Rewards include a new Argent Crusader banner and tabard (which can port players to the tournament grounds), a mounted squire (can periodically run bank, mail or vendor errands for the player), a paladin-exclusive Argent Crusader Charger mount, and new heirloom items:  New Heriloom Items?  Guess my baby Shaman is getting leveled faster now.  New Banner?  Pretty Cool.  New Tabard?  Meh.  Mounted Squire?  WANT!!!!!!!! Wantwantwant. 

-A customizable totem bar will now be available for shaman allowing the storing of 4 different totems. These totems can be placed on the ground at once in one global cooldown for the combined mana cost of all 4 totems: Shaman everywhere REJOICE!

Boos! 

– Lifebloom: The final heal that occurs when this spell blooms has been reduced by 20% on the base and on the spell power coefficient:  WTF BLIZZ.  STOP.  NERFING.  LIFEBLOOM.  GODDAMNYOU.  -pout-

-Innervate: Duration reduced to 10 seconds, and cooldown reduced to 3 minutes. This means each use of Innervate will give half as much mana as before, but it will be available twice as often:  I saw this coming.  Honestly, Innervate is godlike now, it probably needed a nerf.  Will Shaman stop crying?  Probably not.  But, maybe they’ll cry less now.

Mehs:

-The local Postal Service has grown tired of walking so far each day to collect mail and have decided to install a large number of new mailboxes to Stormwind, Undercity, Darnassus and Orgrimmar:  -shrugs-  I have a husband that’s an engineer.  If I REALLY need a mailbox that badly, I’ll get him to drop one.

FOR THE HORDE!

~Pyo

Gaining Rep with the Healer Faction, part 2

More tips for gaining rep with your healers.

1.  If I am assigned to heal the raid, and you are standing across the room out of my range, do not whine if you die because ‘you didn’t get any heals.’  Me running over to where you are standing- all alone- means thats less heals I’m putting on the people who, you know, were smart enough to stay by the healers.

2.  We can’t heal through Overload.

3. When the warlock summons fel cookies, TAKE ONE.

4.  We can’t heal through Lightning Tendrils.

5.  We can’t heal through Eye Beams.

6.  Do not kite Eye Beams through us.   Please refer to #5 if you start to wonder why we ask this of you.

7.  We can’t heal through the Death Rune.

8.  Don’t pull aggro from the tank and then drop aggro.  Doing so is almost certain death for a healer.

Please keep these statements in mind when working with your healers, and we promise they will be happy and keep your tail alive.

The Mandatory Tree Shot.
The Mandatory Tree Shot.

FOR THE HORDE!

~Pyo

Gaining Rep With the Healer Faction

Gaining Rep with the Healer Faction: How to Not Piss Off the People Who Decide Your Life and Death

It’s a well known fact that I rez people in “order”.  The more I like you, the sooner I will revive you.  If you’ve really peeved me off, I may ignore you entirely.  This generally means that my boyfriend is rezed first, followed my fellow healers, and then everyone else. 

Healers code: rez each other first!  That’s also pure logic in a raid situation.  The more of you there are the quicker everyone will get back up.

But that’s not what this post is about.  No, this post is all about how to not irritate the ever living daylights out of us, so that your corpse isn’t cold and forgotten on the floor longer than it has to be.

  1. Release and run back on wipes.  No, don’t run all the way back and ignore the transporters, you smart ass. 
  2. GET OUT OF THE FIRE.
  3. Don’t ask for heals.  We know you’re dying.  Really.
  4. GET OUT OF THE VOID ZONES.
  5. Don’t jump down our throats if stuff seems to go wrong with healing.  Ask instead, what happened?  It could well be that we were kept from healing by something out of our control.  If not…well, we usually know when we make mistakes.  Kind of hard to miss.
  6. GET OUT OF THE POKEBALLS.
  7. Don’t make our jobs harder.  If we ask you to leave X area clear for us, then…leave X area clear for us.  I’m looking at you, hunter who stands in the middle of KTs room.
  8. Remember, whirlwinding mobs don’t want hugs.
  9. No really, they don’t want hugs.
  10. On that note, don’t drag Ouchy Things towards me.  I don’t want hugs, either.