Hark, the Herald Angel Forgot her Pants
Once upon a time, there was born a baby Druid, whose paws were yet small and whose eyes not yet open. And she was viewing ye olde YouTube videos of Kil’Jaeden kills, and lo, to her wondering eyes did appear the glorious visions of angels. And she said, “Doth my sight deceive me, for hark, what could be the glad tidings of the spirit healers suddenly materializing in ye olde bloody Sunwell?” And the vast multitude about her cryeth in a loud voice “NOOB, L2 SPIRIT OF REDEMPTION”. Verily, she L2SofR’d, by studying the ways of the wowwiki and walking the paths of the thottbott, and so she declaimed, “Damneth, Priests are wicked awesome! I should make a priest!”
Mysterious thunder clapped across the sky, as Sargeras turned to Elune and said, “Ha, wanna-eth make a bet, goodie goodie?” Elune responded, “My followers are not so easily dismayed by your vile sorcery! Surely Moonwells shall follow her wherever she goes, and the balance of the Shadow and the Light shall find favor in her hallowed breast. Bring-eth it on.”
And thus, on that fateful day, an inexperienced initiate approached the keepers of the Light, and by their orders, she did Smite at Lashers, and heal her compatriots left tormented in the wreckage by the power of the Naaru. And it was good. As she gained in experience, she culled bears, and collected pears, and forged a new friendship with the wild furlbogs, through the grace of the Light. And then she was sent to a far away island to Smite (and Mind Blast, and Wand) the spirit whelplings of the Green dragonflight, to help them ascend into the Dream. And lo, did they poison her, and lo, did they lead to a ridiculously annoying quest chain with pirates, and lo, did they appear out of nowhere and treat her cruelly.
And her mind thus tormented, she didst retire to a leisurely and idle youth, where she soothes her broken spirit with the wine skins and fishing holes of the Gomorrah of Ironforge.
Not shown: Pony Keg; Horny Gnome Humping My Leg
But the stirrings of the Light echoed in the Druid’s breast, and thus one rainy day, a mere slip of a Blood Elf did turn from her addictions to the ways of goodness. An outcast by virtue of her albino features and the protective ruby glasses she wore, the young priestess sought higher purpose in the service of the greater good. Until one day the Druid got fed up with her ugly belf face and stupid belf pornstar hair and verily doth rage deleted her.
I mean, really.
There exists only hints and whispers of the fate of the Foresaken who chose to follow the old ways of the Light, despite her disfigurement and overpowered racials. Her life and her story, like so many others, was a victim of the Scourge.
Perhaps the Druid had somehow realized the war of Good and Evil taking place around her, as Sargeras tried all his tricks to dissuade her from her well and appointed Path. Perhaps the Druid was sick of running away in a bubble, hoping not to die. Perhaps the dear cost of Ice Cold Milk was rankling to a woman who grew up Tauren and had a free lifetime supply of the good stuff. Perhaps the Druid was tired of discovering wanding was better DPS than her spellcasting. God Frickin’ Damn, leveling a priest sucks! However it came unto be, the Druid turned her back on the Light and immersed herself ever deeper in the knowledge of the forests, and Malfurion’s lessons.
But as the Druid grew in strength and experience, she met many priests of virtue and talents unknown, who showed her the power and glory of the Light. And her heart was opened yet again, to the hope of finding new ways to heal her loved ones in battle, to shield them from their enemy’s blows, and repair their wounds in the lulls of peace. Plus, priests get the best looking Tier, for sure.
And besides, how badass does my baby Troll Priestess look in the All Arugal Get-Up? Wish me luck!
I'd hit it.
