The Angry Healers!- Letting You Die of Your Stupid Since 2009

Happy Wednesday, Angry Healers!

First, I hope you enjoy the new layout and header!  I know everyone liked the buck- toothed Draenei one that was up here before, but as I’m taking more ownership of this blog, I decided to replace it with one of my own devising (not that I don’t appreciate your work, Ambrosine… but you’ve already got a cool header on your blog.  Time for some tree love on mine!)

Anyways.  Post.  Let’s discuss.  This post is for you, you ‘taking- boss- hits- in- the- face’ tanks and ‘pewpewLAZORZ’ DPS. 

Top Misconceptions About Healers

We know what you guys are thinking- no, really!  We do!  Chances are, everyone you know that is currently running in your parties/ raids as a healer started off in their WoW life as DPS.  Maybe a tank.  But usually DPS.  And we thought the exact same thing back then that you do right now.  I am here to set you guys straight, and clear up some of those common misconceptions about healers.

1. Not all healers are female.  Not all people subscribe to this incorrect chain of thought- but enough do to make it annoying.  This is along the same lines of ‘not all female toons are played by girls.’  Next time you’re around Dalaran, ask that hot female Blood of Night Elf who’s really sitting behind that toon.  Or go watch Gamer- and think of that perverted fat guy in the wheelchair the next time you want to hit on a female toon.  Some of the best healers I’ve had the privelage of healing with have been guys- in my old Horde guild, there was this female Blood Elf Priest (of the Holy persuasion) named Iridice who just rocked the healing game like no other- and is a guy, one of the best guys I have ever met.  He is the best damn Holy Priest I have ever encountered (props and <3 to you, Iri!  I still luv ya!)

2. Not all healers are good.  Once again, not an idea all people subscribe to, but enough that it makes it annoying.  Its not a matter of class, or spec, or race.  Its a matter of knowing enough about your chosen healing class to know what you can and cannot do, not to mention should and should not do.  Sure, I, as a tree!druid, can heal a tank with little to no problem- a healthy helping of HoTs and a quick Nourish and Swiftmend finger is plenty.  But am I using Healing Touch?  HELL NO.  Why?  It takes too damn long to cast- so long, in fact, that a well geared Tank could DIE before it pops.  Not all tree!druids know this- or they think ‘its still a good spell, why shouldn’t I use it?’  There are some trees I’ve encountered out there who- I hope you’re sitting down for this- DON’T USE HOTS.  If you think I’m joking, you are wrong.  I have been stuck in PuGs with trees who thought it was perfectly acceptable to use HT and Nourish only.  As I’ve stated before, the reason I don’t PuG instances all that often is because, frankly, I’m afraid of the bad healers I might end up with.  I pride myself on being considered a good healer, despite the occasional oddities in my gear.  Now, keep in mind- some of these guys aren’t very good because they’re just now levelling a healer TO heal, and need gear.  Cut these guys some slack, and give them the benefit of the doubt- help them out as much as you can.  Teaching them to be good healers now will save a lot of people a lot of heartache in the future.

3.  Not all healers want to be healers.  Seriously.  A lot do- take me, for example.  I only have an offspec so I can do dailies.  But some are healers for several reasons- its the only way they get to raid (since healers seem to be a vast minority) seems to be the answer I get most frequently.  I can’t count how many times I’ve seen ‘I didn’t even want to be a healer’ in party chat.  Occasionally, I’ll see ‘I heal in Arenas’ or ‘I did it to queue faster for LFG.’  But seriously… if you don’t want to heal, then don’t heal.  I find the best healers are the ones who want to heal, not the ones that are forced to.

4.  Not all healers care about you.  This is especially true in 5- man instances.  Remeber the old saying, ‘If the Tank dies, its the Healers fault. If the Healer dies, its the Tank’s fault.  If the DPS dies, its their own damn fault’?  More people believe this than anything else, and this simply isn’t true in a lot of cases.  Sure, I raided in the old ZG 40 man raid days where, if you were in the all- DPS group, you didn’t get heals.  You were expected to watch where you were standing, move where you needed to be, and bandage your ass if you took damage, because the healers were too busy keeping the tanks alive.  But that’s really not the case anymore- ok, there are instances where it’s still true (if you see Rotface getting ready to Slime Spray, run behind him, pl0x, melee?), but for the most part, keeping the raid or party alive is just as important as keeping the tank alive.  And some healers just don’t get that- they keep telling themselves that the DPS doesn’t need to live, as long as they keep the tank alive, they’ll be fine.  News flash, kids: you won’t.  That’s why Blizzard gave everyone AoE heals.  Use them.

5.  Not all healers use healing mods.  Though, seriously?  I can’t say why.  I can’t live without Grid and Clique- playing healer whack- a- mole is great.  Healbot is good, too, but my first love will always bee Grid + Clique.

And finally, and quite possibly the most important misconception and the whole purpose of this blog…

6.  Not all healers are nice.  We’re not.  We may be all smiles and happiness when things are going right, but when the shit hits the fan, and the ‘blame the healer’ game starts getting played- we get ANGRY.  I mean rage-tastically ANGRY.  If you’re in a raiding guild, check to see if you’re healers have their own channel.  Chances are, they do, and when you wipe and you’re blaming them, they are blaming you right back, and coming up with the facts to prove it- screenshots and cutpastes from the Combat Log, etc.  We are yelling at you through our computers when you take avoidable damage, we are cursing at the screen when Stinky Decimates and then immediatly puts out a stinky cloud that kills 4 or 5 people, we are verbally abusing Blizzard and their 6 second Wild Growth/ Circle of Healing cooldowns when the Twin Val’kyr’s damage starts stacking too high.  We are NOT VERY NICE AT ALL.  The header pretty much says it all- our rage is blue, and we start the fight PISSED.  There really is no rage like Healer Rage.

Its' all your fault, Tree!

Oh, and the thing that annoys us (maybe this is just me, but maybe not) the most is saying ‘I NEED HEALS’ in every available channel you have, including Vent.   For the love of all that’s holy, WE FUCKING KNOW YOU NEED HEALS.  We spend the entire encounter watching your little health bar for any sudden drops that indicate you have taken some form of damage and have a heal ready for you.  STOP TELLING US.  Those of us who pride ourselves on our healing are good boys and girls who do their research, check gearscores, BiS items, spec and glyph changes, research bossfights, etc.  We know what we’re doing.  We don’t tell you ‘DPS Harder’ (Ok, maybe we do, but we’re usually not serious about it.)  So don’t tell us that you need heals.  We’ll get to you.  Unless you’re taking avoidable damage- then you’ll just have to wait until we heal up the people who took the unavoidable punch- to- the- face.

That’s it for now, folks!  I hope you enjoyed the post!  Stay safe, and stay angry, healers!

~Pyo