The Art of Raid Explanations

Everyone knows that normal raid explanations are boring.  They drone on and on, and very quickly everyone is just tuning out the RL and tabbing out to read 4chan/Post Secret/whatever. 

One of three things happen then:
-Everyone asks questions that were jsut answered 2 seconds ago.
-Everyone just smiles and nods, runs in, and stands in the fire.
-A good attempt is put in because everyone read the strats and watched videos beforehand anyway.

Mooooost of the time, it’s the first two. 

But I, Lyrandre, have mastered the art of the HILARIOUS AND YET INFORMATIVE strat telling!  Let me share with you my secrets, and then you too can deliver strats in a way that people will actually enjoy!

Tip One: Distill into Common or Silly Terms
First off, forgot the official terms for most shit.  If you tell your DPS to kill the Gifts of Eonar, they are going to ignore the green trees that spawn because really, who the hell expects a Gift of Eonar to look like the tree?  They’re probably looking for gift wrapped packages to spawn.  Tell them to get out of the Fire/Glowy Shit On Floor/Falling Snowflakes/Circles of Doom.  Tell them to kill the Really Tall Guy first and stay away from him because he Whirlwinds. They will know what you mean when they see it!  Do you really think that DPS pays attention to the name of the mob that just killed them because they didn’t realize THAT mob was the one that whirlwinded?  No, of course not, that’s why they die so much.  Just give them a quick, memorable description.

Tip Two: Divide into Categories
While it’s nice for everyone to be aware of each other’s roles, it’s…not going to happen.  Since there can be a lot of information to remember to start, split your explanation up.   Tell your healers that all they need to do is stay out of the Bad, cleanse the Really Bad,  and watch green bars, then move on to the DPS.  Etc, etc.  A standard line of mine usually delivered every run is, “Tanks, don’t die.”  That comforting phrase tells them it’s a tank and spank and they can go back to browsing porn after achieving a nice threat lead.

Tip Three: Throw in Jokes
Is there one person who you blame for everything even when they’re not in the raid?  One person who dies all the time?  Use running jokes to your advantage.   I also offer t o beat people with pillows or forget to heal them if they do X Thing Thing They Shouldn’t Do.   Don’t forget macros!  I have silly macros I like to spam for things like Thaddius, in case people forgot their left and right.

If you have people in your raid that are skeptical, let someone give the normal explanation and then interject your comments between (in raid, so that you don’t drown them out on vent).  You’ll still get your point across!  I provide for you an example of me doing just that on Hodir:

Follow these guidelines and my stellar example and you, too, can get your raid to pay some fucking attention!  It will lighten the mood for the wipes to come.

Love and shiny heals,

3 thoughts on “The Art of Raid Explanations”

  1. descriptions are great for people who’ve had to turn off nameplates to cut lag, too. “the really tall guy” beats all hell out of trying to click around or mouse over everything that is and isn’t moving to try to catch the name of the guy you’re sposed to look out for (whose probably just about to wipe your ass all across the floor because you haven’t found him yet anyway).

    awesome awesome tips!

  2. I do that all the time – the smart ones get it! Some of the stupid ones get it! The real morons, well, I’m working on not taking them anywhere.
    “GUYS DON’T STAND STILL and dragon ass really hurts, okay?”
    “Do you see the spinny axes? Yes? RUN. Though they like to chase me so you might want to run away from me instead.”

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